TED英語演講稿：解密愛情與出軌

　　i'd like to talk today about the two biggest social trends in the coming century, and perhaps in the next 10,000 years. but i want to start with my work on romantic love, because that's my most recent work. what i and my colleagues did was put 32 people, who were madly in love, into a functional mri brain scanner. 17 who were madly in love and their love was accepted; and 15 who were madly in love and they had just been dumped. and so i want to tell you about that first, and then go on into where i think love is going.

　　"what 'tis to love?" shakespeare said. i think our ancestors -- i think human beings have been wondering about this question since they sat around their campfires or lay and watched the stars a million years ago. i started out by trying to figure out what romantic love was by looking at the last 45 years of research on -- just the psychological research -- and as it turns out, there's a very specific group of things that happen when you fall in love. the first thing that happens is what i call -- a person begins to take on what i call, "special meaning." as a truck driver once said to me, he said, "the world had a new center, and that center was mary anne."

　　george bernard shaw said it a little differently. he said, "love consists of overestimating the differences between one woman and another." and indeed, that's what we do. (laughter) and then you just focus on this person. you can list what you don't like about them, but then you sweep that aside and focus on what you do. as chaucer said, "love is blind."

　　in trying to understand romantic love, i decided i would read poetry from all over the world, and i just want to give you one very short poem from eighth-century china, because it's an almost perfect example of a man who is focused totally on a particular woman. it's a little bit like when you are madly in love with somebody and you walk into a parking lot -- their car is different from every other car in the parking lot. their wine glass at dinner is different from every other wine glass at the dinner party. and in this case, a man got hooked on a bamboo sleeping mat.

　　and it goes like this. it's by a guy called yuan chen: "i cannot bear to put away the bamboo sleeping mat. the night i brought you home, i watched you roll it out." he became hooked on a sleeping mat, probably because of elevated activity of dopamine in his brain, just like with you and me. but anyway, not only does this person take on special meaning, you focus your attention on them. you aggrandize them. but you have intense energy. as one polynesian said, he said, "i felt like jumping in the sky." you're up all night. you're walking till dawn. you feel intense elation when things are going well; mood swings into horrible despair when things are going poorly. real dependence on this person. as one businessman in new york said to me, he said, "anything she liked, i liked." simple. romantic love is very simple.

　　you become extremely sexually possessive. you know, if you're just sleeping with somebody casually, you don't really care if they're sleeping with somebody else. but the moment you fall in love, you become extremely sexually possessive of them. i think that that is a darwinian -- there's a darwinian purpose to this. the whole point of this is to pull two people together strongly enough to begin to rear babies as a team.

　　but the main characteristics of romantic love are craving: an intense craving to be with a particular person, not just sexually, but emotionally. you'd much rather -- it would be nice to go to bed with them, but you want them to call you on the telephone, to invite you out, etc., to tell you that they love you. the other main characteristic is motivation. the motor in your brain begins to crank, and you want this person.

　　and last but not least, it is an obsession. when i put these people in the machine, before i put them in the mri machine, i would ask them all kinds of questions. but my most important question was always the same. it was: "what percentage of the day and night do you think about this person?" and indeed, they would say, "all day. all night. i can never stop thinking about him or her."

　　and then, the very last question i would ask them -- i would always have to work myself up to this question, because i am not a psychologist. i don't work with people in any kind of traumatic situation. and my final question was always the same. i would say, "would you die for him or her?" and, indeed, these people would say "yes!" as if i had asked them to pass the salt. i was just staggered by it. so we scanned their brains, looking at a photograph of their sweetheart and looking at a neutral photograph, with a distraction task in between. so we could look at the same brain when it was in that heightened state and when it was in a resting state. and we found activity in a lot of brain regions. in fact, one of the most important was a brain region that becomes active when you feel the rush of cocaine. and indeed, that's exactly what happens.

　　i began to realize that romantic love is not an emotion. in fact, i had always thought it was a series of emotions, from very high to very low. but actually, it's a drive. it comes from the motor of the mind, the wanting part of the mind, the craving part of the mind. the kind of mind -- part of the mind -- when you're reaching for that piece of chocolate, when you want to win that promotion at work. the motor of the brain. it's a drive.

　　and in fact, i think it's more powerful than the sex drive. you know, if you ask somebody to go to bed with you, and they say, "no, thank you," you certainly don't kill yourself or slip into a clinical depression. but certainly, around the world, people who are rejected in love will kill for it. people live for love. they kill for love. they die for love. they have songs, poems, novels, sculptures, paintings, myths, legends. in over 175 societies, people have left their evidence of this powerful brain system. i have come to think it's one of the most powerful brain systems on earth for both great joy and great sorrow.

　　and i've also come to think that it's one of three basically different brain systems that evolved from mating and reproduction. one is the sex drive: the craving for sexual gratification. w.h. auden called it an "intolerable neural itch," and indeed, that's what it is. it keeps bothering you a little bit, like being hungry. the second of these three brain systems is romantic love: that elation, obsession of early love. and the third brain system is attachment: that sense of calm and security you can feel for a long-term partner.

　　and i think that the sex drive evolved to get you out there, looking for a whole range of partners. you know, you can feel it when you're just driving along in your car. it can be focused on nobody.

　　i think romantic love evolved to enable you to focus your mating energy on just one individual at a time, thereby conserving mating time and energy. and i think that attachment, the third brain system, evolved to enable you to tolerate this human being -- (laughter) -- at least long enough to raise a child together as a team.

　　so with that preamble, i want to go into discussing the two most profound social trends. one of the last 10,000 years and the other, certainly of the last 25 years, that are going to have an impact on these three different brain systems: lust, romantic love and deep attachment to a partner.

　　the first is women working, moving into the workforce. i've looked at 130 societies through the demographic yearbooks of the united nations. and everywhere in the world, 129 out of 130 of them, women are not only moving into the job market -- sometimes very, very slowly, but they are moving into the job market -- and they are very slowly closing that gap between men and women in terms of economic power, health and education. it's very slow.

　　for every trend on this planet, there's a counter-trend. we all know of them, but nevertheless -- the arabs say, "the dogs may bark, but the caravan moves on." and, indeed, that caravan is moving on. women are moving back into the job market. and i say back into the job market, because this is not new. for millions of years, on the grasslands of africa, women commuted to work to gather their vegetables. they came home with 60 to 80 percent of the evening meal. the double income family was the standard. and women were regarded as just as economically, socially and sexually powerful as men. in short, we're really moving forward to the past.

　　then, women's worst invention was the plow. with the beginning of plow agriculture, men's roles became extremely powerful. women lost their ancient jobs as collectors, but then with the industrial revolution and the post-industrial revolution they're moving back into the job market. in short, they are acquiring the status that they had a million years ago, 10,000 years ago, 100,000 years ago. we are seeing now one of the most remarkable traditions in the history of the human animal. and it's going to have an impact.

　　i generally give a whole lecture on the impact of women on the business community. i'll only just say a couple of things, and then go on to sex and love. there's a lot of gender differences; anybody who thinks men and women are alike simply never had a boy and a girl child. i don't know why it is that they want to think that men and women are alike.

　　there's much we have in common, but there's a whole lot that we do not have in common. we are -- in the words of ted hughes, "i think that we were built to be -- we're like two feet. we need each other to get ahead." but we did not evolve to have the same brain.

　　and we're finding more and more and more gender differences in the brain. i'll only just use a couple and then move on to sex and love. one of them is women's verbal ability. women can talk.

　　women's ability to find the right word rapidly, basic articulation goes up in the middle of the menstrual cycle, when estrogen levels peak. but even at menstruation, they're better than the average man. women can talk. they've been doing it for a million years; words were women's tools. they held that baby in front of their face, cajoling it, reprimanding it, educating it with words. and, indeed, they're becoming a very powerful force.

　　even in places like india and japan, where women are not moving rapidly into the regular job market, they're moving into journalism. and i think that the television is like the global campfire. we sit around it and it shapes our minds. almost always, when i'm on tv, the producers who call me, who negotiate what we're going to say, is a woman. in fact, solzhenitsyn once said, "to have a great writer is to have another government."

　　today 54 percent of people who are writers in america are women. it's one of many, many characteristics that women have that they will bring into the job market. they've got incredible people skills, negotiating skills. they're highly imaginative. we now know the brain circuitry of imagination, of long-term planning. they tend to be web thinkers.

　　because the female parts of the brain are better connected, they tend to collect more pieces of data when they think, put them into more complex patterns, see more options and outcomes. they tend to be contextual, holistic thinkers, what i call web thinkers.

　　men tend to -- and these are averages -- tend to get rid of what they regard as extraneous, focus on what they do, and move in a more step-by-step thinking pattern. they're both perfectly good ways of thinking. we need both of them to get ahead. in fact, there's many more male geniuses in the world. when the -- and there's also many more male idiots in the world. (laughter) when the male brain works well, it works extremely well. and what i really think that we're doing is, we're moving towards a collaborative society, a society in which the talents of both men and women are becoming understood and valued and employed.

　　but in fact, women moving into the job market is having a huge impact on sex and romance and family life. foremost, women are starting to express their sexuality. i'm always astonished when people come to me and say, "why is it that men are so adulterous?" and i say, "why do you think more men are adulterous than women?" "oh, well -- men are more adulterous!" and i say, "who do you think these men are sleeping with?" and -- basic math! (laughter)

　　anyway. in the western world, women start sooner at sex, have more partners, express less remorse for the partners that they do, marry later, have fewer children, leave bad marriages in order to get good ones. we are seeing the rise of female sexual expression. and, indeed, once again we're moving forward to the kind of sexual expression that we probably saw on the grasslands of africa a million years ago, because this is the kind of sexual expression that we see in hunting and gathering societies today.

　　we're also returning to an ancient form of marriage equality. they're now saying that the 21st century is going to be the century of what they call the "symmetrical marriage," or the "pure marriage," or the "companionate marriage." this is a marriage between equals, moving forward to a pattern that is highly compatible with the ancient human spirit.

　　we're also seeing a rise of romantic love. 91 percent of american women and 86 percent of american men would not marry somebody who had every single quality they were looking for in a partner, if they were not in love with that person. people around the world, in a study of 37 societies, want to be in love with the person that they marry. indeed, arranged marriages are on their way off this braid of human life.

　　i even think that marriages might even become more stable because of the second great world trend. the first one being women moving into the job market, the second one being the aging world population. they're now saying that in america, that middle age should be regarded as up to age 85. because in that highest age category of 76 to 85, as much as 40 percent of people have nothing really wrong with them. so we're seeing there's a real extension of middle age.

　　and i looked -- for one of my books, i looked at divorce data in 58 societies. and as it turns out, the older you get, the less likely you are to divorce. so the divorce rate right now is stable in america, and it's actually beginning to decline. it may decline some more. i would even say that with viagra, estrogen replacement, hip replacements and the incredibly interesting women -- women have never been as interesting as they are now. not at any time on this planet have women been so educated, so interesting, so capable.

　　and so i honestly think that if there really was ever a time in human evolution when we have the opportunity to make good marriages, that time is now. however, there's always kinds of complications in this. in these three brain systems: lust, romantic love and attachment -- don't always go together. they can go together, by the way. that's why casual sex isn't so casual. with orgasm you get a spike of dopamine. dopamine's associated with romantic love, and you can just fall in love with somebody who you're just having casual sex with. with orgasm, then you get a real rush of oxytocin and vasopressin -- those are associated with attachment. this is why you can feel such a sense of cosmic union with somebody after you've made love to them.

　　but these three brain systems: lust, romantic love and attachment, aren't always connected to each other. you can feel deep attachment to a long-term partner while you feel intense romantic love for somebody else, while you feel the sex drive for people unrelated to these other partners. in short, we're capable of loving more than one person at a time. in fact, you can lie in bed at night and swing from deep feelings of attachment for one person to deep feelings of romantic love for somebody else. it's as if there's a committee meeting going on in your head as you are trying to decide what to do. so i don't think, honestly, we're an animal that was built to be happy; we are an animal that was built to reproduce. i think the happiness we find, we make. and i think, however, we can make good relationships with each other.

　　so i want to conclude with two things. i want to conclude with a worry -- i have a worry -- and with a wonderful story. the worry is about antidepressants. over 100 million prescriptions of antidepressants are written every year in the united states. and these drugs are going generic. they are seeping around the world. i know one girl who's been on these antidepressants, serotonin-enhancing -- ssri, serotonin-enhancing antidepressants -- since she was 13. she's 23.

　　she's been on them ever since she was 13.

　　i've got nothing against people who take them short term, when they're going through something perfectly horrible. they want to commit suicide or kill somebody else. i would recommend it. but more and more people in the united states are taking them long term. and indeed, what these drugs do is raise levels of serotonin. and by raising levels of serotonin, you suppress the dopamine circuit. everybody knows that. dopamine is associated with romantic love. not only do they suppress the dopamine circuit, but they kill the sex drive. and when you kill the sex drive, you kill orgasm. and when you kill orgasm, you kill that flood of drugs associated with attachment. the things are connected in the brain. and when you tamper with one brain system, you're going to tamper with another. i'm just simply saying that a world without love is a deadly place.

　　so now -- (applause) -- thank you. i want to end with a story. and then, just a comment. i've been studying romantic love and sex and attachment for 30 years. i'm an identical twin; i am interested in why we're all alike. why you and i are alike, why the iraqis and the japanese and the australian aborigines and the people of the amazon river are all alike.

　　and about a year ago, an internet dating service, , came to me and asked me if i would design a new dating site for them. i said, "i don't know anything about personality. you know? i don't know. do you think you've got the right person?" they said, "yes." it got me thinking about why it is that you fall in love with one person rather than another.

　　that's my current project; it will be my next book. there's all kinds of reasons that you fall in love with one person rather than another. timing is important. proximity is important. mystery is important. you fall in love with somebody who's somewhat mysterious, in part because mystery elevates dopamine in the brain, probably pushes you over that threshold to fall in love. you fall in love with somebody who fits within what i call your "love map," an unconscious list of traits that you build in childhood as you grow up.

　　and i also think that you gravitate to certain people, actually, with somewhat complementary brain systems. and that's what i'm now contributing to this.

　　but i want to tell you a story about -- to illustrate. i've been carrying on here about the biology of love. i wanted to show you a little bit about the culture of it, too -- the magic of it. it's a story that was told to me by somebody who had heard it just from one of the -- probably a true story. it was a graduate student at -- i'm at rutgers and my two colleagues -- art aron is at suny stony brook. that's where we put our people in the mri machine.

　　and this graduate student was madly in love with another graduate student, and she was not in love with him. and they were all at a conference in beijing. and he knew from our work that if you go and do something very novel with somebody, you can drive up the dopamine in the brain, and perhaps trigger this brain system for romantic love. (laughter) so he decided he'd put science to work, and he invited this girl to go off on a rickshaw ride with him.

　　and sure enough -- i've never been in one, but apparently they go all around the buses and the trucks and it's crazy and it's noisy and it's exciting. and he figured that this would drive up the dopamine, and she would fall in love with him. so off they go and she's squealing and squeezing him and laughing and having a wonderful time. an hour later they get down off of the rickshaw, and she throws her hands up and she says, "wasn't that wonderful?" and, "wasn't that rickshaw driver handsome!" (laughter) (applause)

　　there's magic to love! but i will end by saying that millions of years ago, we evolved three basic drives: the sex drive, romantic love and attachment to a long-term partner. these circuits are deeply embedded in the human brain. they're going to survive as long as our species survives on what shakespeare called "this mortal coil." thank you. (applause)

　　【中文翻譯】

　　我今天要講倆個(gè)下世紀(jì)的大趨勢 也很有可能是未來10,0XX年的趨勢 但是，我想首先從我對愛情的研究講起 因?yàn)檫@是我最近的工作。 我和我的同事對32個(gè)深陷愛情中的人 進(jìn)行了功能性核磁共振大腦掃描 這些人中的17個(gè)人獲取了異性的芳心 其他的15個(gè)人則剛剛被甩 所以我想先講一下這個(gè)實(shí)驗(yàn) 然后是我對愛情的理解

　　莎士比亞曾經(jīng)問道：“愛情是什么?” 我想我們的祖先對這個(gè)問題的困惑 從一百萬年前他們圍坐在篝火邊或者躺著看星星時(shí)就開始了 為了找到浪漫愛情的內(nèi)涵 我翻閱了45年來心理學(xué)方面的研究成果 發(fā)現(xiàn)當(dāng)人們陷入愛情的時(shí)候會(huì)發(fā)生一些特殊的現(xiàn)象 首先會(huì)發(fā)生的是 另一個(gè)人開始被賦予了“特殊意義” 就像一個(gè)卡車司機(jī)曾經(jīng)對我說 我的世界有了一個(gè)新的中心，那就是mary anne

　　而蕭伯納用不同的方式表達(dá)了同樣的意思 他說，愛情中的人會(huì)夸大一個(gè)女人和另外一個(gè)女人的差別 而事實(shí)也確實(shí)是這樣的。(笑聲) 然后你就會(huì)把全部的關(guān)注放在這個(gè)人身上 雖然你也可以列出你不喜歡他/她的地方 但對缺點(diǎn)馬上置之不理，然后全力去愛她/他 就像喬叟說的那樣，“愛情是盲目的”

　　為了理解浪漫愛情 我決定閱讀來自世界各地的詩歌 現(xiàn)在我想給你們讀一首寫于八世紀(jì)中國的小詩 因?yàn)樗鼛捉�完美的展現(xiàn)了一個(gè)男人是怎樣全身心的關(guān)注一個(gè)女人 就像一個(gè)人瘋狂的愛上一個(gè)人的時(shí)候， 這個(gè)人走進(jìn)停車場。 他會(huì)覺得這個(gè)人的車與其他任何車都不一樣 這個(gè)人晚宴上的紅酒杯也和其他任何的酒杯不一樣 在這個(gè)故事里，一個(gè)男人迷上了一張竹席

　　這首詩是詩人元稹所寫的： 竹簟襯重茵，未忍都令卷。 憶昨初來日，看君自施展 他之所以迷上一個(gè)竹席， 可能跟你我一樣， 因?yàn)轭^腦里的多巴胺增多而引起的反應(yīng)

　　但不管怎么說，不僅這個(gè)人對你來說有特殊的含義 你會(huì)全身心的關(guān)注他或她。 你會(huì)對他/她極度的吹捧。而且你的精力旺盛異常 就像一個(gè)波利尼亞人說的那樣：“我覺得仿佛飛到了空中” 你會(huì)整晚都睡不著。你會(huì)一直走黎明 當(dāng)事情進(jìn)展順利的時(shí)候，你會(huì)覺得興高采烈 當(dāng)事情不順利的時(shí)候，你又會(huì)陷入極度的失望和恐慌。 你完全依賴于這個(gè)人了 就像一個(gè)紐約的商人對我說的， “她喜歡的任何東西我都喜歡” 簡單，愛情就是那么簡單。

　　你會(huì)對性有極強(qiáng)的占有欲。 你知道，如果你只是隨隨便便和一個(gè)人上床， 你并不會(huì)在意他/她是否和其他人上床 但當(dāng)你陷入愛情的時(shí)候 你對性會(huì)有極強(qiáng)的占有欲 我想這種現(xiàn)象是遵循爾達(dá)文進(jìn)化論的，也促進(jìn)了人類的進(jìn)化 因?yàn)閻矍樽寖蓚�(gè)人緊緊綁在了一起， 這種關(guān)系牢固到足以讓兩個(gè)人在一起生兒育女

　　但愛情最重要的特征是渴望 對某一個(gè)人，不僅是性上的，還包括感情上的渴望。 當(dāng)然能和他/她同床共枕是很好的， 但你更期待他/她會(huì)給你打電話，約你出去，等等 希望他告訴你他愛你 愛情另外一個(gè)主要的特征是動(dòng)機(jī)。 你已經(jīng)迫不及待的開始行動(dòng)，你想得到這個(gè)人。

　　愛情的最后一個(gè)也是同樣重要的特征是癡迷 當(dāng)我讓他們進(jìn)入核磁共振機(jī)之前 我會(huì)問他們各種各樣的問題 但最重要的問題始終是一個(gè) “你一天之中有多少時(shí)間是在想念這個(gè)人的?” 他們會(huì)說，“整天整夜。從來沒停止過想念”

　　然后，我會(huì)問他們最后一個(gè)問題， 我經(jīng)常會(huì)想方設(shè)法引導(dǎo)他們?nèi)セ卮疬@個(gè)問題 因?yàn)槲也皇且粋�(gè)心理學(xué)家 我沒法治愈人們心靈的創(chuàng)傷 這個(gè)最后的問題也始終是那一個(gè)： “你會(huì)為這個(gè)人去死嗎?” 這些人會(huì)說“會(huì)的!” 就好像我請他們把鹽遞給我那樣理所當(dāng)然 對這樣的回答，我感到很震驚。

　　我讓他們先看一幅愛人的照片， 然后再讓他們看一幅不相關(guān)的照片，并監(jiān)測了他們大腦的活動(dòng) 我們會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)同一個(gè)大腦在某一時(shí)刻達(dá)到最強(qiáng)烈的活動(dòng)狀態(tài) 又在什么時(shí)候處于休息的狀態(tài) 我們也發(fā)現(xiàn)相當(dāng)多的大腦區(qū)域變得活躍 而事實(shí)上我們最關(guān)注的一個(gè)大腦區(qū)域 是那個(gè)讓你對可卡因感到渴求的大腦區(qū)域 而這正是人們看到愛人照片時(shí)的反應(yīng)

　　我開始意識(shí)到浪漫愛情并不僅僅是一種情緒 我曾經(jīng)認(rèn)為愛情就是一系列的情緒 從非常強(qiáng)烈到非常微弱的 但事實(shí)上，愛情是一種驅(qū)動(dòng)力 它來自于心靈深處的動(dòng)力 來自于我們內(nèi)心的欲望，一種強(qiáng)烈的愿望 這種動(dòng)力， 就像你想要得到那一塊巧克力一樣 就像你想要在工作中獲得晉升一樣 它在驅(qū)動(dòng)我們的大腦活動(dòng)，它是我們的驅(qū)動(dòng)力

　　我認(rèn)為這種動(dòng)力比性的動(dòng)力更為的強(qiáng)大 當(dāng)你問別人是否愿意和你上床，如果這個(gè)人說“不” 你肯定不會(huì)因?yàn)檫@個(gè)自殺或是患上憂郁癥 但在全世界范圍內(nèi)，人們?nèi)绻�被愛拒絕，就會(huì)為此而輕生 人們?yōu)閻鄱�生，為愛而殺，為愛而�?他們?yōu)閻蹌?chuàng)作了歌曲，詩歌，小說，雕塑，畫作，神話故事和傳奇 在超過175個(gè)社會(huì)里，人們都用不同的證據(jù)證明了這部分大腦組織是如此強(qiáng)大 讓人們大喜大悲 所以我認(rèn)為它是世上最強(qiáng)大的大腦組織

　　我認(rèn)為它是從最初的交配和繁殖 發(fā)展而來的最基本的三種不同的大腦組織。 其中一種是性欲：對性的一種渴望。 w.h.auden稱之為：不能忍受的神經(jīng)性沖動(dòng) 確實(shí)，它就是那樣的。 它總是不停的煩擾著你，就像饑餓一樣。 第二個(gè)就是浪漫的愛情： 那種讓人歡欣鼓舞，使人癡迷的情竇初開。 那第三種就是依賴 那是一種從長期伴侶那里才能體會(huì)到的寧靜和安全。

　　我認(rèn)為就是對性的渴望使你 走出去從人群中尋找伴侶 你知道，在你開車的時(shí)候你可以感覺到它 它會(huì)使人魂不守舍 而浪漫愛情會(huì)使你專注 只與一個(gè)人發(fā)生關(guān)系 因此你儲(chǔ)蓄著交配的能量，等待著時(shí)機(jī) 而第三種大腦系統(tǒng)：依賴 則發(fā)展成使你能夠?qū)λ?她很忍耐(笑聲)。 這種寬容至少可以幫你撐過撫養(yǎng)小孩的這段時(shí)間。

　　開場白之后，我要討論兩個(gè)最顯著的社會(huì)趨勢。 其中一個(gè)產(chǎn)生于100XX年前，另一個(gè)則是25年前， 這兩種趨勢都對性欲，愛情，和依賴 這三種不同的腦系統(tǒng)產(chǎn)生過影響。

　　第一個(gè)階段就是女人開始工作，成為勞動(dòng)力的一部分。 我查過聯(lián)合國的世界人口統(tǒng)計(jì)年鑒中的130-150個(gè)國家 發(fā)現(xiàn)130個(gè)中有129個(gè)國家的女性在進(jìn)入勞動(dòng)市場 過程可能比較緩慢的，但這個(gè)趨勢確定無疑 男性與女性之間 經(jīng)濟(jì)能力，健康和教育方面的距離正在縮小 這個(gè)過程同樣非常緩慢

　　對于地球上出現(xiàn)的每種趨勢，總會(huì)伴隨著一種阻力 對此，我們都很了解，但就像古老的阿拉伯諺語 所說的：“狗會(huì)叫吠，但是車隊(duì)仍在前行。” 事實(shí)上也的確如此，這一趨勢滾滾向前。 女性正在重返勞動(dòng)市場。 我之所以說是重返，因?yàn)榕�性勞�?dòng)這事并不新鮮。 在百萬年以來的非洲大地上， 女性每天往返于牧場種植收割蔬菜。 她們帶著60-80%的晚餐回到家 雙人收入的家庭才是標(biāo)準(zhǔn)家庭 同時(shí)，女性也擁有同男性一樣的經(jīng)濟(jì)能力，社會(huì)能力和選擇伴侶的權(quán)力 簡而言之，我們是返璞歸真了

　　然而，女性最差的發(fā)明就是犁 隨著犁耕農(nóng)業(yè)社會(huì)的開始，男性的所扮演的角色變得出奇的強(qiáng)勢 女性失去了其作為收割者原始的工作 但是隨著工業(yè)革命和后工業(yè)革命的產(chǎn)生 女性開始重返勞動(dòng)市場 簡而言之，她們正在獲得在百萬年前就擁的社會(huì)地位和身份 甚至早在100XX年甚至1000XX年前就曾擁有過 我們現(xiàn)在看到的是人類歷史上最具標(biāo)志性的傳統(tǒng)之一 而且這個(gè)傳統(tǒng)正在產(chǎn)生影響

　　通常，我的整個(gè)講演都可以圍繞女性對經(jīng)濟(jì)領(lǐng)域的影響， 這次我只會(huì)舉其中幾件事來講，接下來講愛情和性的部分 男性與女性之間存在很多的差異 那那些認(rèn)為男人和女人很相似的人肯定沒有同時(shí)撫養(yǎng)過兒子和女兒 我不知道為什么他們會(huì)認(rèn)為男人和女人是一樣的 男人和女人是有很多相同的地方，但是 也有很多不同

　　正如ted hughs 所言， “我們就像人的兩只腳一樣，需要彼此配合才能繼續(xù)前行。” 但我們的大腦并沒有進(jìn)化成一樣的構(gòu)造 而且現(xiàn)在正發(fā)現(xiàn)越來越多在思想上的差異 我只講其中幾點(diǎn)，然后就將進(jìn)入到性和愛情的部分 其中一個(gè)是女性的語言能力。女人是聊天高手

　　女性可以迅速找到正確的詞匯，最清楚的說明事情 這種能力在月經(jīng)周期中間雌性激素達(dá)到頂峰時(shí)提高 但是就算是在月經(jīng)的時(shí)候，她們的表現(xiàn)都比普通男性好 女性擅于交談 她們早在百萬年前就如此，語言是她們的工具 她們面對面的撫養(yǎng)教育小孩 她們用語言哄小孩，罵小孩，教育小孩 然而，女性正在成為一股強(qiáng)大的力量

　　甚至在一些女性進(jìn)入普通勞動(dòng)市場 較慢的國家如印度和日本 女性也進(jìn)入到了新聞行業(yè) 我認(rèn)為電視就像一個(gè)全球的篝火晚會(huì) 我們圍著它，同時(shí)它也在影響著我們的思想 每每在我錄制節(jié)目時(shí)，那些給我打電話商量談話內(nèi)容的 制片人幾乎都是女性 事實(shí)上，solzhenitsyn曾經(jīng)說過， “擁有一個(gè)偉大的作家就像擁有了另一個(gè)政府”

　　如今在美國54%的作家都是女性 這只是女性擁有的眾多特性中的一個(gè) 這些特點(diǎn)幫助她們進(jìn)入到勞動(dòng)市場 女人擁有非凡的人際技巧和談判技巧 有著豐富的想象力 想象力和長遠(yuǎn)計(jì)劃形成的大腦路線 她們是思路縝密的思考者 因?yàn)榕�性大腦各部分聯(lián)系的更好 在她們思考的時(shí)候，能收集更多的數(shù)據(jù) 組合成更加的復(fù)雜的形式，看到更多選擇和結(jié)果 她們能進(jìn)行條理清楚、整體性的思考，稱為網(wǎng)絡(luò)思考者而男人會(huì)剔除他們認(rèn)為不相關(guān)的事 只專注于他們正在做的事情，思考方式偏向于按部就班式 這兩種思考方式都很好 我們需要他們共同發(fā)展 事實(shí)上，在這個(gè)世界上，男性天才還是偏多的 但是，世界上的白癡也是男性偏多的(笑聲) 當(dāng)男性的大腦運(yùn)行好的時(shí)候，可以非常的好 我認(rèn)為我們正在努力地建立一個(gè)合作型社會(huì) 一個(gè)逐漸認(rèn)同男性和女性才能的社會(huì) 并且給予重視和利用

　　實(shí)際上，女性進(jìn)入到勞動(dòng)市場 對性，愛情和家庭生活方面都有重大影響 最明顯的，女性開始表現(xiàn)出他們的性欲 我總是很驚訝每當(dāng)人們這樣問我： “為什么男性總是那么的花心?” 我就說“你怎么就認(rèn)定是男性比女性花心呢?” “顯然啊，男性就是比較花心!” 我問他們，“那這些男人是和在什么人上床呢?” 結(jié)果顯而易見吧(笑聲)

　　不管怎樣， 在西方世界 女性性成熟較早，她們擁有過更多的性伴侶 且并不會(huì)因?yàn)樽约旱?ldquo;博愛”而自責(zé) 她們結(jié)婚更晚，小孩較少，為了尋找更好的婚姻而離婚 女性有了更多對性的表達(dá)和訴求 的確，我們在性表達(dá)上再一次 回到了百萬年前非洲大地上的情景 因?yàn)檫@就是以打獵和采摘為生活方式的 社會(huì)具有的性表達(dá)

　　我們婚姻的平等狀況也正恢復(fù)原古時(shí)代 有個(gè)說法就是，21世紀(jì) 的婚姻可以被稱為“對等婚姻” “純潔的婚姻”也可以稱為“彼此不承擔(dān)法律義務(wù)的婚姻” 一種在平等主體間建立的婚姻 回到了和遠(yuǎn)古時(shí)代人類精神高度一致的形式

　　我們也看到了人們對浪漫愛情的追求 美國91%的女性和86%的男性 并不會(huì)因?yàn)閷Ψ骄哂凶约盒闹械乃�有品質(zhì)而結(jié)婚 如果他/她們不愛對方 對37個(gè)國家的研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，世界各地的人們 只希望與他們所愛的人結(jié)婚 的確，包辦婚姻已經(jīng)開始淡出歷史的舞臺(tái)

　　我認(rèn)為婚姻應(yīng)該變得更加的穩(wěn)定 因?yàn)槲覀冋�面臨著第二個(gè)巨大趨勢 第一個(gè)就是女性進(jìn)入勞動(dòng)力市場 第二個(gè)就是人口老齡化 如今在美國 85歲才能被稱為中年 因?yàn)�，�?6到85歲的這個(gè)年齡段 40%的人們健康是沒有任何問題的 所以，我們看到了中年階層隊(duì)伍的擴(kuò)大

　　我自己的一本書里面有58個(gè)國家的離婚率統(tǒng)計(jì) 你可以發(fā)現(xiàn)，隨著年紀(jì)的增大，離婚率也隨著降低 所以現(xiàn)在美國的離婚率是穩(wěn)定的 實(shí)際上正在逐漸的降低 未來還會(huì)繼續(xù)下降 而且隨著“偉哥”，“雌性激素更新”，“臀部改造”等技術(shù)的出現(xiàn) 女性也變得越來越有魅力 女性從未像現(xiàn)在這樣有吸引力 沒有哪個(gè)時(shí)期的女性像今天這樣如此的有教養(yǎng)，有魅力和有能力 所以我非常確信，在人類進(jìn)化的歷史上 最有條件創(chuàng)造完美婚姻的時(shí)機(jī)，就是現(xiàn)在!

　　然而，這個(gè)過程還是存在著很多復(fù)雜問題 在這三個(gè)大腦系統(tǒng)中性，浪漫愛情，和依賴 并不總是結(jié)合在一起的 順便說一下，它們是可以同時(shí)存在的 這就是為什么偶然的性愛也不是那么的隨便的 隨著性高潮的到來，你的身體會(huì)釋放多巴胺 多巴胺是和浪漫愛情聯(lián)系在一起的 你會(huì)愛上那個(gè)剛剛和你“一夜情”的人 同時(shí)伴隨性高潮，身體還會(huì)產(chǎn)生“后葉催產(chǎn)素”和“后葉加壓素” 這些都是與“依賴”相關(guān)的激素 這就是為什么你與別人發(fā)生關(guān)系之后，你會(huì)感覺到 自己和他/她緊緊的聯(lián)系在一起

　　但是這三個(gè)情感系統(tǒng) 并不總會(huì)綁在一起 你對相處了很久的一個(gè)伴侶有很深的依賴和責(zé)任感 同時(shí)你又強(qiáng)烈的愛著另外的人 同時(shí)你可能對第三個(gè)人產(chǎn)生性欲 簡單的說，我們能在同一時(shí)間愛很多人 事實(shí)上，當(dāng)我們晚上躺在床上時(shí) 我們可以想著對某人的依賴感 再感受著與某人的浪漫愛情 在你頭腦中仿佛在開一個(gè)小組會(huì)議 因?yàn)槟阈枰�做一個(gè)選擇 所以我認(rèn)為，人類并不是一個(gè)被創(chuàng)造出來享受快樂的物種 我們是一種被創(chuàng)造出來繁衍后代的物種 我認(rèn)為幸福是我們發(fā)現(xiàn)，我們創(chuàng)造的 我們可以和每個(gè)人建立良好的關(guān)系

　　所以我想以兩件事來做總結(jié) 一件是讓我擔(dān)憂的事 我有一個(gè)擔(dān)憂，和一個(gè)精彩的故事 我的擔(dān)憂是關(guān)于抗抑郁藥的 美國每年會(huì)開出超過一億份抗抑郁處方 這些藥物正變得很普遍 它們滲入到世界各地 我認(rèn)識(shí)一個(gè)女孩從她13歲開始就在服用抗抑郁藥 一種用于提升血清素的抗抑郁藥物 今年她23歲，她從13歲就開始服用這種藥

　　我不反對那些在短期內(nèi)因?yàn)橛龅椒浅?煩惱的事情而服用抗抑郁藥的人 對那些想要自殺或者殺人的患者 我是建議他們服用的 但是越來越多的美國人開始長時(shí)期的服用抑郁藥 這些藥物的作用是提高“血清素”的含量 隨著血清素含量的上升，抑制了多巴胺的循環(huán) 每個(gè)人都知道 多巴胺是與浪漫愛情聯(lián)系的 抗抑郁藥不僅抑制了多巴胺的產(chǎn)生，也使性欲下降 當(dāng)你的性欲下降時(shí)，你將失去性高潮 一旦失去性高潮，那些讓你產(chǎn)生依賴感的激素就被遏制 神經(jīng)系統(tǒng)在大腦里都是相互關(guān)聯(lián)的 其中一個(gè)大腦系統(tǒng)被破壞的時(shí)侯 另一個(gè)系統(tǒng)也將紊亂 我只想說一個(gè)沒有的愛的世界是沒有生機(jī)的

　　所以(鼓掌)謝謝 我想以一個(gè)故事來結(jié)束，然后就是一句評價(jià) 我對愛情，性和依賴的研究已經(jīng)有30年了 我是雙胞胎，對為什么我們?nèi)绱说南嘞窈芨信d趣 為什么你和我很像，為什么伊拉克人，日本人 澳大利亞土著人，和亞馬孫河流域的人都是那么像

　　大約一年前，一個(gè)網(wǎng)絡(luò)婚介服務(wù)公司找到我 想讓我為他們設(shè)計(jì)一個(gè)新的約會(huì)站點(diǎn) 我說：“我對性格一點(diǎn)都不了解，你知道嗎?” 我不確定你是否找對了人 他們回答：“是的” 這讓我開始思考，為什么你會(huì)愛上某一個(gè)人而不是另外的人

　　這是我目前正在研究的課題，也是我下本書的內(nèi)容 你出于各種理由愛上某個(gè)人 時(shí)機(jī)很重要，距離也很重要 神秘感很重要。你可能由于某個(gè)人很神秘而愛上他 因?yàn)樯衩馗锌梢允鼓隳X中的多巴胺上升 讓你越過那道閘門而墜入愛河 你愛上那些正好符合你“愛情地圖”的人 他符合你在童年時(shí)期潛意識(shí)里設(shè)定的擇偶清單 我還認(rèn)為，你將會(huì)被 那些和你有互補(bǔ)特質(zhì)的人所吸引 這就是我現(xiàn)在正在努力研究的課題

　　但是我想告訴你一個(gè)故事來說明這個(gè)問題 我在這兒談?wù)摰氖菒矍榈纳�理基礎(chǔ) 我想再告訴你們關(guān)于文化的一些東西 關(guān)于愛情的魔力 這是一個(gè)聽別人轉(zhuǎn)述的故事 應(yīng)該是一個(gè)真實(shí)的故事 是關(guān)于一個(gè)研究生的，我是rutgers的，我的兩個(gè)同事 art aaron 是 suny stonybrook的 就是我們?yōu)槟切┤俗龊舜殴舱駫呙璧牡胤?/p>

　　這個(gè)研究生瘋狂的愛上了另外一個(gè)研究生 但是那個(gè)女生并不愛他 后來他們一起去參加一個(gè)在北京的研討會(huì) 他從我們的工作中得知，如果你與某人一起做一些非常新鮮的事， 可以使那人腦中的多巴胺值上升 這樣就很可能引致浪漫愛情的出現(xiàn)(大笑) 因此他決定把科學(xué)應(yīng)用到實(shí)踐中去 所以他約這個(gè)女孩一起坐黃包車

　　我自己從來沒做過黃包車 他們穿梭于巴士和卡車之間 非常的瘋狂，非常的嘈雜也非常的刺激 男生覺得這樣會(huì)增加女孩腦中的多巴胺 使女孩子愛上他 一路上，那個(gè)女孩興奮的叫著，靠著他 愉悅享受著美好的時(shí)光 一小時(shí)后他們下了黃包車 那個(gè)女孩舉起她的雙手問道：“太刺激了，感覺太好了!” “那個(gè)車夫好帥哦!” (大笑)(鼓掌)

　　這就是愛情的魔力 在結(jié)束時(shí)我要說，在百萬年前，人類就發(fā)展出三個(gè)大腦系統(tǒng) 性欲，愛情和對長期伴侶的依賴 這些循環(huán)系統(tǒng)深深扎根于人類的大腦中 它們將與人類一起長期共存 這就是莎士比亞說的“塵世的煩惱” 謝謝。