Yesterday Once More
yesterday once more
安徽省巢湖市槐林中學(xué)高三(1)班 王娟娟
as though it was yesterday when i was an innocent girl. but everything has gone by so quickly. i have grown up, though i don't want to . there are only three months left , i am going to face the college entrance examination. once upon a time, it was a number worth expecting. but now how cruel it seems! i'm like a butterfly struggling to fly higher, no matter how high the price is ! the process of study used to be endless for me but nowadays the judgement approaches. although this moment is terrifying me, i wouldn't like to give up! i know it is the darkness before dawn and insisting on is the best choice! i'm always believing there is a world belonging to myself and it is i who have the right to decide how big it can be ! what's more, in the near future, i believe i can own what i have been longing for as long as i don't quit on the road to success!
指導(dǎo)教師: 安徽省巢湖市槐林中學(xué) 陳恩友
批 改 老 師o(wú)scar評(píng) 分92分級(jí) 別優(yōu)秀評(píng) 語(yǔ)
批改:
1. as though it was yesterday when i was an innocent girl. but everything has gone by so quickly. 首先,中間句號(hào)用法錯(cuò)誤,應(yīng)該是逗號(hào);其次因?yàn)榍斑呌衋s though(連詞使用錯(cuò)誤),所以后邊不能再用but;最后,介詞by多余。
2. there are only three months left , i am going to face the college entrance examination. 這是一句話 ,所以中間應(yīng)該有連詞。
3. once upon a time, it was a number worth expecting. 本句話不知道作者想表達(dá)什么。
4. although this moment is terrifying me, i wouldn't like to give up! 應(yīng)該是give it up.
評(píng)析:
本文從總體上講,非常流暢,尤其是后半部分,前邊出現(xiàn)了一些語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤,當(dāng)然,非常能體會(huì)到作者在高考臨近時(shí)的心情,也祝愿作者能夠?qū)崿F(xiàn)自己的夢(mèng)想—考上自己理想的大學(xué)!