一封給組委的信
題目：假定你是李華，亞洲冬季運(yùn)動(dòng)會(huì)將在你居住的地方舉辦，現(xiàn)在正招募志愿者，你希望成為其中的一員。請(qǐng)按要求用英語(yǔ)給組委會(huì)寫一封申請(qǐng)信。內(nèi)容包括：
1個(gè)人情況：年齡，性別，學(xué)歷
2個(gè)人條件：英語(yǔ)好，愛(ài)好體育，善于交際，樂(lè)于助人，熟悉本地情況
3承諾“提供最佳服務(wù)
dear sir or madam:，
my name is lihua. i would like to work as a volunteer for the winter asian game .[高考題目給出的]
i，who is a 17—year—old girl ，studied in xinhai middle school. when i was a child, i was obsessed with my english . i love reading english books and singing english songs , speaking and writing in english .and taking part in the winter asian game , it is of value to me.
many people say that i am a lovely girl .not only i am good at circulating with others ,but also i dedicate to help people who is in trouble .i love my city which has given nutrition into my mind .i am familiar with it .
now , i have a commitment that i will supply my best service to contribute to my city .
yours
lihua
批 改 老 師o(wú)scar評(píng) 分95分級(jí) 別優(yōu)秀評(píng) 語(yǔ)
批改：
1. i，who is a 17—year—old girl ，studied in xinhai middle school. 本句話不能說(shuō)有錯(cuò)誤，但是整體上給人感覺(jué)不是那么流暢，因此可以嘗試調(diào)整順序或者用其他表達(dá)方式使之更為簡(jiǎn)潔。
2. and taking part in the winter asian game , it is of value to me. 本句話代詞it多余，因?yàn)閠aking part in the winter asian game就可以做主語(yǔ)。
評(píng)析：
本文寫得很流暢，內(nèi)容要點(diǎn)俱全，用詞恰當(dāng)，但是其中一點(diǎn)“體育好”似乎漏掉了，因此需要細(xì)心哦！