一封給組委的信
題目：假定你是李華，亞洲冬季運動會將在你居住的地方舉辦，現(xiàn)在正招募志愿者，你希望成為其中的一員。請按要求用英語給組委會寫一封申請信。內(nèi)容包括：
1個人情況：年齡，性別，學(xué)歷
2個人條件：英語好，愛好體育，善于交際，樂于助人，熟悉本地情況
3承諾“提供最佳服務(wù)
dear sir or madam:，
my name is lihua. i would like to work as a volunteer for the winter asian game .[高考題目給出的]
i，who is a 17—year—old girl ，studied in xinhai middle school. when i was a child, i was obsessed with my english . i love reading english books and singing english songs , speaking and writing in english .and taking part in the winter asian game , it is of value to me.
many people say that i am a lovely girl .not only i am good at circulating with others ,but also i dedicate to help people who is in trouble .i love my city which has given nutrition into my mind .i am familiar with it .
now , i have a commitment that i will supply my best service to contribute to my city .
yours
lihua
批 改 老 師oscar評 分95分級 別優(yōu)秀評 語
批改：
1. i，who is a 17—year—old girl ，studied in xinhai middle school. 本句話不能說有錯誤，但是整體上給人感覺不是那么流暢，因此可以嘗試調(diào)整順序或者用其他表達方式使之更為簡潔。
2. and taking part in the winter asian game , it is of value to me. 本句話代詞it多余，因為taking part in the winter asian game就可以做主語。
評析：
本文寫得很流暢，內(nèi)容要點俱全，用詞恰當(dāng)，但是其中一點“體育好”似乎漏掉了，因此需要細心哦！