大學(xué)英語四級作文范文講評
作文題目： “Women in the Modern World”
提綱：
1. Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today.____________
2. With the changes in their social role, women’s position in the family has been improved as well. ___________________
3. In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized.
___________________________
例1. （2分段）
Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today. Long age, women only did something in the kitchen or at home. Now many of them have serious jobs to serve for people. What men can do so can women.
With the changes in their social role, women’s position in the family has been improved as well. Today in the family, the wife often lots her husband to do something at home bat ago, only women did something. Men are foned of doing something at home.
In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. Sometimes, the matter, the husband hitting has welf, often happened. In the factory the wonmen to as much as the men, but they are paid less than the men. Some people have not completely realized the liberation of women.
東方教育點(diǎn)評：條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有錯誤，有的甚至影響理解。
具體問題剖析：(1)缺乏邏輯，東一句西一句，沒有圍繞中心論述，如第一段就沒有展開論述婦女社會角色的轉(zhuǎn)變，說得太籠統(tǒng)而缺乏說服力。
�。�2）用漢語思維，句子有明顯的漢語痕跡，如“What men can do so can women.”，應(yīng)改為“Women can do what men can do”。
�。�3）銜接不自然，沒有用適當(dāng)?shù)年P(guān)聯(lián)詞，如“Sometimes, the matter, the husband hitting has welf, often happened”，應(yīng)改為“The case that husband hits his wife often happens. ”
（4）拼寫錯誤很多，大部分句子均有錯誤。
例2.（5分段 ）
Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today. In today, many women have a work. They worked as well as men playing an important part in factories. There are many women in government also. They lead other people country, and make out plans. There are many scientist slso. They event new things to improve our life.
With the changes in their social role, women’s position in the family has been improved as well. In ancient, women’s position in family is pity. They had to looks after their children, did every how husband ordered her to do. But now it is changed. They are equal to her husband. They have the right of speaking of idea, discussion thing with her husband, do what she wants to do.
In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. We also should realize, women’ likerty are limited. For example, many factories want men become its workers but the chance of women is less than men. Everyone should do their best to change this condition. I’m sure, the liberation of women would be increased.
東方教育點(diǎn)評：基本切題。但表達(dá)思想不清楚，連貫性差。有較多的嚴(yán)重語言錯誤。
具體問題剖析：（1）各段圍繞中心句論述不深入，沒有說服力。
（2）銜接不自然，沒有用適當(dāng)?shù)年P(guān)聯(lián)詞，如第一段幾個句子之間可以用一些“besides”、“on the other hand”、“furthermore”、“in addition”等。
�。�3）語言錯誤較多，很多句子不通順，如“In today, many women have a work.”應(yīng)改為“Today, many women get a job.”(濫用介詞)；“In ancient, women’s position in family is pity”中pity應(yīng)改為pitiful（詞形誤用）；“They had to looks after their children, did every how husband ordered her to do.”中every 改為everything，how改為what（代詞錯誤）；“They have the right of speaking of idea, discussion thing with her husband, do what she wants to do.”應(yīng)改為“They have the right to express ideas, discuss things with their respective husband, and do what they want to.”(人稱代詞前后不一致)。
例3.（8分段）
Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today. Many Women today are playing an important part at works that was thought only could be done by the men before. For an example. Some women are not secrtary in the office, instead, they become manager of a company.
With the changes in their social role, women’s position in the family has been improved as well. In the world today, more and more women have their own job. They get their own salary, and become more independent from their husband. With the economic situation improved, their family position is improving.
In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. Many husbands only want his wife to stay at home, and do house works or do some shopping. They only want their wife to be a housewife, but not a manager of a company.
東方教育點(diǎn)評：基本切題。有些地方表達(dá)思想不夠清楚，文字勉強(qiáng)連貫；語言錯誤相當(dāng)多，其中有一些是嚴(yán)重錯誤�！�
具體問題剖析：（1）論證不夠深入，缺少事例，缺少說服力。
�。�2）文字缺連貫、且顯累贅，如第二段可以把各句再改得簡練一點(diǎn)并且有適當(dāng)?shù)霓D(zhuǎn)承詞。（3）語言錯誤相當(dāng)多，如“For an example”，“Some women are not secrtary in the office, instead, they become manager of a company.”應(yīng)改為“Some women are on longer secretaries in the office, instead, they become managers of the companies.”（單復(fù)數(shù)）
例4.（11分段）
Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today. More and more women go to work to earn money instead of keeping the house or looking after the children. Women have entered many fields of society including scientific field. As we know, many women sports teams have won the world’s champions such as Chinese women’s Volleyball Team.
With the changes in their social role, women’s position in the family has been improved as well. Husbands are not the masters of wives in many places. Husbands and wives are equal now. They join together to overcome difficulties and share happiness.
In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. Also in some places. Women are considered being “thing” belong to men. They have little chance to find jobs. They don’t get equal pay for equal job. This is a problem must be solved not only by society but also by women themselves.
東方教育點(diǎn)評：切題。表達(dá)思想清楚，文字連貫，用詞比較準(zhǔn)確，但有少量語言錯誤，如“Also in some places. Women are considered being “thing” belong to men”，應(yīng)改為“Also in some places，women are considered being the “things”that belong to men”
例5.（14分段）
Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today. In Many countries, more and more women are acting as workers, farmers, scientists and even leaders. We can say that almost all jobs which men can do are done perfectly by women. Women are no longer looked down upon by society.
With the changes in their social role, women’s position in the family has been improved as well. Husband and wife are now equal in the family. They cope with problems of daily life together, and share happiness with each ther. Also, you can hardly find out that in today’s families, women are being busy with dinners, whereas men comfortably sitting in armchairs, reading newspapers.
In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. A number of men still jealously guard their rights, and regard women as incapable creature. Few women are allowed to attend important international meetings dominated by men. That’s really the problems we should solve immediately.
東方教育點(diǎn)評：切題。論證充分，有說服力，論證手段豐富（舉例、正反）表達(dá)思想清楚，語言流暢，詞匯豐富，連貫性好。用詞準(zhǔn)確，僅有個別小錯誤。
p.s. 由于一些例文錯誤較多，點(diǎn)評中只是列舉了部分的典型錯誤，而且為了保持原文面貌，編輯沒有做過多的改動，所以歡迎大家一起來挑錯，有問題和小水一起討論。
2003年9月考試四級作文題：The Day My Classmate Fell Ill (or Got Injured)
提綱：
1.簡單敘述一下這位同學(xué)生病（或受傷）的情況
2.同學(xué)、老師和我是如何幫助他/她的
3.人與人之間的這種相互關(guān)愛給我的感受是……
例1. （2分段）
One day, we are all in classroom. Wang fang said, Oh! We all see her and found that she was crying! Teacher turned to ask her what was wrong. She said, I do got a fever, my head is very hot! Feng Gang sent she to hospital, we all followed they. In the hospital, doctor Wang give a inject to her, she gradually calm and not hot as before. We all thanked the doctor.
東方教育點(diǎn)評：未能按照題目要求寫，沒有著重寫同學(xué)、老師和我是如何幫助他/她的 人與人之間的這種相互關(guān)愛給我的感受是……。條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有錯誤，有的甚至影響理解。
原文修改后：
One day, when we were all in classroom., Wang fang Suddenly cried,, Oh! We all looked at her and found that she was groaning. Teacher turned to ask her what was wrong. She said, I have got a fever, my head is very hot!
Immediately, our teacher sent her to hospital, and we all followed them. In the hospital, we asked doctor Wang to give an injection to her, and she gradually became calm and not as hot as before. We all thanked the doctor.
The day has passed, but it is clearly in my mind. I think if we can do things like that in the incident, the society will be better, and the relationship between people will be better as well!
例2.（5分段）
Last week, li ning and I studied in classroom. Suddenly, lining said to me that he had a headache .I asked he to see doctor. he said it was not bad. After 5 miniuts, lining sai to me his headache very serious. So I helped him go to hosptial
Althought there was SARS around us, but I felt very rm from this thing. It told me that the love from true heart can help come across any difficult. We are so lucky that we live in a big warmth family. And not very long, my classmate was getting healthy and could come to school again. How happy we were!
東方教育點(diǎn)評：本文切題，表達(dá)思想清楚，文字比較連貫, 但有一些語法錯誤。
具體問題剖析：全文有一些語法、語言錯誤，如In 1 April 2003, one of my classmates was get serious cold.應(yīng)改為In 1 April 2003,one of my classmates got serious cold.（時態(tài)）；First day when he came to school,應(yīng)改為The first day when he came to school,（介詞遺漏）；his sound was rough.應(yīng)改為his voice was rough.（用詞）；Althought there was SARS around us, I felt very warm from this thing.應(yīng)把but去掉（連詞）； It told me that the love from true heart can help come across any difficult.應(yīng)改為It told me that the love from true heart could help come across any difficulties.（時態(tài)、詞性錯誤）；We are so lucky that we live in a big warmth family.應(yīng)改為We are so lucky that we live in a big warm family.（詞性）。
例5.（14分段）
During the SARS period in this spring, the year of 2003, one of my classmates, Li ming, was struck down by the virus and was immediately sent to hospital.
The news spread quickly on campus. At first, we were terrified and wondered if we were infected too. However, through our governments publicity on mass media, we gradually conquered the fear and set out to try out best to help her. Some teachers provided darly necessities while some students recorded the English class contents for him so that Li ming could not be left behind. With our care and concern, Li ming recovered quickly.
Such an incident teaches us a good moral. Our society is full of love, warm and peaceful, in which people-from man to woman, from individual to individual-lend others a hand. Just like a famous song goes, the world will turn itto heaven only if everyone contributes a little. and I do believe that its my great honor to live in this love-filled paradise!
東方教育點(diǎn)評：本文切題，論證豐富生動，表達(dá)思想清楚，文字通順，連貫性較好�；旧蠠o大的語言錯誤，僅有個別小錯誤。
p.s. 由于一些例文錯誤較多，點(diǎn)評中只是列舉了部分的典型錯誤，而且為了保持原文面貌，編輯沒有做過多的改動，所以歡迎大家一起來挑錯，有問題和小水一起討論。
2003年9月六級考試作文題：
圖表作文，關(guān)于一個美國大學(xué)圖書館的圖書流動量（pop fiction, general nonfiction, science, art等），給出他們的流動比例對比，說明原因，并說明你自己喜歡閱讀什么樣的書。
例1. （2分段）
此分段標(biāo)準(zhǔn)為條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有嚴(yán)重錯誤。
�。榱瞬挥绊懯腥荩o大家造成負(fù)面影響，故此處略去100字……）
例2.（5分段）
From the novel, we can see that the students like read(reading) novel, at the same time, only (a) small part of students like read(reading) science and art.
The reason to(for) this is novel is intereting(interesting), students like reading it. Most of the students read too much(many) major books when they have classes, so they want to read some(something) interesting (when) they have time. Novel can let them relax(relaxed). So they choose novel.
I like read(reading) novel, by reading it I know a lot of things, I also relax my brains. So I choose the novel.
東方教育點(diǎn)評：(1)基本切題。
(2)表達(dá)思想不清楚，連貫性差。
(3)有較多的嚴(yán)重語言錯誤。
�。�4）字?jǐn)?shù)不夠，要酌情扣分。
例3.（8分段）
We can know from the picture that most of students like reading popular novel instead of reading science, poetry. From this we can know different people have different addiction to(preferences for) books.
Different people have different addiction to(preferences for) books. They read different books just to meet their different needs. Because different people have different meets to read the different kinds of books. From this we can also see that different people have different intentions and notions. So they choose the different things to meet their needs in every facet in life.
I like reading poetry because I think poetry can make me calm, pleased, comfort(comforted), (and) I can see many beautiful thing(things) in the poetry.
東方教育點(diǎn)評：(1)基本切題。
(2)第二段表達(dá)有點(diǎn)亂。
�。�3）語言錯誤相當(dāng)多，其中有一些是嚴(yán)重錯誤�！�
例4.（11分段）
Book is the source of life. When we read a book, we should not only linger on the surface of a book, but also we should(刪掉) master its intrinsic. As is charted in the blank, we can see clearly that a majority of the university students in America are addictet(addicted) to the popular fiction, and a minority of student like reading the science, poetry.
Why do they like reading popular novels? In my opinion, popular novel books are usually interesting, earthly, close to our lives. In contrast, science, poetry books are usually serious, dull and difficult. Therefore, most of the students prefer the popular novels.
I like reading the since book（science books）. For one thing, it can make me enhance my speciality knoweledy(specialized knowledge); In addition, it can help me know the frontier about my speciality and master the newest things in since(science); thirdly, it can give a good chance to know a lot and can help me to study the useful subject when I graduate from the university.
東方教育點(diǎn)評：（1）本文基本切題，表達(dá)思想清楚。
（2）文字連貫，語言通順。
�。�3）有一些語言錯誤。
例5.（14分段）
It can be discerned that the American students prefer to read the popular novel rather than other kind of books, such as the nonpopular (unpopular) novel, the books of technology, poem and so on. The percentage of the popular novel current(currently) is about 68.2%. Other kind of novels current(currently) is, reletively (relatively), about 16.8%, 8.3%, and 5.2%.
It is not hard to think out why the popular novels can attract so many students. The popular novel is interesting, and not so abstract as books that full of the mathmatic formulate(mathematic formulae). However, as university students, study is the first task for us to do. So we should pay more attention to the books about our major. Fictions may color our life, but it can not be the key part of our studying life.
Personally, I would like to spend my free time in reading books about my major, such as technology digests, computer newspaper... Because I want do to(刪掉) a good job in my subjects. Fortunately, my dreams come true, meanwhile, I ve gained other things--I found（have founded） a solid basic knowledge about my major(加破折號)make me feel easy to contrive the electronic circuit which have to be done during our bachelor years. Thanks to those books!
東方教育點(diǎn)評：（1）切題。
（2）論證比較有力，表達(dá)思想清楚。
�。�3）文字通順，連貫性較好，但有個別語言錯誤。
注： 文中劃線部分為原文的一些明顯語言錯誤，括號里的為修改建議，為保持原文面貌，對于結(jié)構(gòu)沒有做過多改動。
2003年6月考試四級作文題：An Eye-Witness Account of a Traffic Accident
假設(shè)你在某日某時某地目擊一起車禍，就此寫一份見證書。
見證書須包括以下幾點(diǎn)：
1、車禍發(fā)生的時間及地點(diǎn)；
2、你所見到的車禍情況；
3、你對車禍原因的分析。
例1. （2分段）
At 9:00, Jan. 20, 2003, I eye-witness a traffic accident in Dongfang Street.
I see that a（an） old people is hitted (hit)by a car.
In my opinion, the rapid driver is the main reason, but the old people also has his error.
東方教育點(diǎn)評：（1）字?jǐn)?shù)明顯不夠，盡管都點(diǎn)題了，但只有三句話。
�。�2）有語法錯誤。
例2.（5分段）
In my opinion, the driver of Benz auto should be blamed on(for) the traffic accident. It was his drunk driving that resulted in this accident.
It is not(no) doubt that the traffic accident is a high(hot) topic in the modern(modern) society, different people have different attitude (attitudes) to this.
When it come(comes) to the accident, people think it responsible for the driver. But last Sunday I see(saw) a(an) accident. A woman crossed a street when a car turn(turned at) the crossing .it is too late to stop the car ,The women was bad(badly) hurt. The people who was walking along the street took the woman to hospital, (and) the driver came with them.
As far as （I am） concerned, the both sides have responsibility for this, begin（at the beginning）, the woman shouldnot cross the street. Forthemore, the driver should pay more attention. Last. we should take proper measure .Only (when) we take the measure and we （become） more careful can we have a colorful （life） tomorrow.
東方教育點(diǎn)評：(1)本文基本切題。
�。�2）但有的地方表達(dá)思想不清楚，層次不夠清楚。如第二段把描述車禍情況和發(fā)生原因混為一談，而最后一段的總結(jié)又很牽強(qiáng)。
（3）全文有比較多的語言錯誤，而且有些是嚴(yán)重的錯誤。
例3.（8分段）
At 9:00am October 25st(25th) 2003, I saw a traffic accident on Daxue Road. At that time, I was on my way to school.
When I turned right on the corner, a motorbike knocked into a small car. The motorbike was red, and there are(were) two persons on the motorbike. The car was yellow. The motorbike fell down, and the two persons on the motorbike were slight injured. The (car) driver came out of the car at once, and asked about the two persons. As soon as I saw that, I made a telephone call to 110.The traffic police arrived in a short time.
According to what I saw, I thought there may be one reason leading to the accident. That was the motorbike kept too short （a） distant from the car. When the car slowed down, the motorbike couldnt slow down in time. So the accident took place.
東方教育點(diǎn)評：（1）基本切題。
�。�2）文字連貫性不強(qiáng)，尤其是第二段，缺少一些必要的銜接詞。
（3）簡單句太多，可以考慮把一些合并成復(fù)合句。
（4）有些地方人稱指代不明（如司機(jī)），容易引起誤解
�。�5）有一些基本的時態(tài)、語法錯誤。
例4.（11分段）
Last Friday afternoon, when I was on my way home, a traffic accident took place at the crossing of Shanghai Road.
A pupil was knocked down by a black car when he was walking across the street. His legs were badly hurt. Sever(Several) minutes later an ambulance came, and the driver of the black car sent the pupil to the hospital immediately.
In my eyes, this accident was due to that the pupil broke the traffic rules. That is to say, the pupil walked across the street when the traffic lights were red. As soon as the driver saw the pupil, he stopped the car, however, it was too late. In my opinion, it was necessary to advocate people to confirm to the traffic rules. If the pupil hadnt broken the traffic rules, the accident might not have happened.
東方教育點(diǎn)評：(1)本文比較切題，表達(dá)思想清楚。
�。�2）語句比較通順，但有少量語言錯誤。
例5.（14分段）
My name is Liming. I am studying at college. A week ago I saw a traffic accident , which is still vivid in my mind.
It was at about 9:00 on Saturday morning, June 15th, when I went out of the university to visit a friend of mine at another university. I was walking leisurely on the sidewalk when I heard a loud crash of two vehicles just at the T-junction about 10 meters away. Two taxis crashed together. It was a traffic accident.
I went up and found that the two taxis were badly damaged. Both hoofs were out of shape. One door of a car was knocked off and lying on the road. One driver was blooding and another was shut in the taxi. Some people were trying to help the driver get out of the damaged car. One man was calling to the traffic policeman station. A lot of cars were jammed on the road.
From the stopping track on the road, it is clear that the two taxis were driving too fast. But it is just one of the reasons. In my opinion, the taxi drivers are eager to take more passengers and make a little more money. On the other hand, both drivers dont show concern for one another. Both of them wanted to run in front of another. Therefore, the accident is inevitable. So far, we should let the drivers keep it in their mind that a little slower, a little safer. Taking care of others lives means taking care of your own life.
東方教育點(diǎn)評：（1）切題。
�。�2）表達(dá)清楚，描述詳細(xì)生動。
�。�3）文字通順，連貫性較好。
�。�4）基本上無大的語言錯誤，僅有個別小錯誤。
注： 文中劃線部分為原文的一些明顯語言錯誤，括號里的為修改建議，為保持原文面貌，對于結(jié)構(gòu)沒有做過多改動。
2003年6月考試六級作文題：Changes of Ownership of Houses in China
圖表作文，圖表內(nèi)容是1990，1995，2000的公房和私房變化柱狀表，趨勢是公房越來越少，私房越來越多。
提綱：1.簡單描述一下圖表內(nèi)容
2.變化原因
3.這個變化對個人和社會的影響
例1. （2分段）
此分段標(biāo)準(zhǔn)為條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有嚴(yán)重錯誤。
為了不影響市容，給大家造成負(fù)面影響，故此處略去100字……
例2.（5分段）
It is descerned that（刪掉）the number of pirate（private） houses had been on a（an） increase from 1990 to 2000.In 1990, it was about 20 percent; In 1995 it was 40 percent; In 2000, it was 80 percent.
There were some reasons for this fact. One of them was the improvement of peoples living conditions（condition）, all people wanted to own pirate houses.
On the other hand, peoples income was on a（an） increase, they could afford to buy pirate houses!
Obviously, there were some good things resulted from this fact. Such as it could improve Chinese economy. But there were also some bad things, such as it took much time to go to work!
東方教育點(diǎn)評：（1）本文基本切題。
�。�2）字?jǐn)?shù)不夠，要酌情扣分。
�。�2）第一段描述圖表不應(yīng)該單列舉出數(shù)字，而是應(yīng)該重點(diǎn)描寫變化趨勢 ；第二段說明理由不夠充分；第三段說明影響有點(diǎn)牽強(qiáng)。
（4）全文語言錯誤較多。
例3.（8分段）
From the graph it is clear that the percentage of the state owned house in china in a city has decreased greatly from 75% in 1990 to 20% in 2000, while the private house has increased sharply. what has caused these changes?
There are, I think, at least two main reasons for these changes. to begin with, with the development of the technology and science, peoples living standard has improved greatly and they can afford to buy high-graded things such as TV, computer and even house. Secondly it is due to the mind people hold and the ecomonic policy. As is known to all, the price of house is often very high, and people must (used to) save their money (for) many years, （however,）as their minds changed, they went to the bank to borrow money and the ecomonic policy also encouraged them to do so. There may be some other reasons, but the above mentiond are commonly acceptable.
To conclude, the ownership of houses reflect the development of our country and people are enjoying a better life, I am firmly sure that the productivity of the society will keep improving and people will enjoy a more affluent life in the near future.