高中英語最新力作欣賞與點評
music
習作原文
do you like music ?what kinds of music do you like ?music is mainly divided into four parts :classcial ,pop, rock and roll, jazz. if you are insomnia ,you can listen to beethoven's moonlight ,and if you feel lonely ,you can listen to john straus' the blue danube.
music is a way of relaxing as well as a way of communication .by listen to music you can learn more you can't find in books ,we may not learn all the knowledge ,but we can't be an idiot on music.
school is a place for study ,but it also needs music.
評 分
98分
級 別
優(yōu)秀
批 改
1.by listen to music you can learn more you can't find in books ,文中more 改為“much”，不需要用比較級，后面加which 或者that 更流暢。另外,listen改為listening.
2.we may not learn all the knowledge ,but we can't be an idiot on music. 這句話可以和前面隔開，作為單獨一個句子。句中“we can't be an idiot”單復數(shù)用法不一致，應改為“we can't be idiots ”
3.we may not learn all the knowledge ,建議改為“maybe we can not learn all the knowledge ”，僅作參考
參考例句(文)
1.by listening to music you can learn much that you can't find in books
2.maybe we can not learn all the knowledge ,
點 評
本文短小，言簡意賅，表達了對音樂的喜歡，內容活潑，如果篇幅再長點，內容更豐滿些，效果會更好。文中語法時態(tài)錯誤很少，是一篇很好的文章。
給 分 理 由
1.文章中兩處小的瑕疵，各扣1分。
本文文筆流暢，觀點鮮明，是一篇很好的小短文，如果內容上可以更豐滿一些，檔次會更高。
批改滿意度
100%